The collection
Owns 400 die-cast tractors and zero places to put a coffee cup. The shelves are load-bearing. So is the denial.
est. 1961 / patched daily
merl1961
Part Silicon Valley, part Bedrock. Merl collects farm toys and antiques, fixes computers older than most engineers, and has watched enough Bugs Bunny to qualify for a pension from Warner Bros.
Field notes (mostly insults)
The roast
The tech stack
Runs an operating system old enough to vote and patches it with a soldering iron and pure stubbornness. It boots when it feels respected.
The taste
Has not updated his favorite cartoons since they were in first-run. Calls everything after 1970 'the new stuff' and refuses to discuss it.
The vibe
Genuinely believes a yard sale is a tech conference and that a rusty wrench counts as a productivity tool. Statistically, he's right more often than he should be.
"Still trying to run Bedrock OS on a 1961 tractor. The install bar has been at 99% since the Carter administration."
Permanent collection
Museum of ancient tech & toys
A climate-controlled shelf (the garage) housing artifacts of dubious resale value and immense sentimental weight. No flash photography. Do not feed the floppy disks.
The 1961 Toy Tractor
Cast iron. Real rubber tires. Has plowed exactly zero fields and 100% of Merl's heart.
- 0.0
- MAX
- PATINA
- PRICELESS
The Beige Behemoth
A desktop computer the color of old teeth. Cooling fan doubles as a space heater and a white-noise machine.
- 640 KB
- 20 MB
- JET
- 100%
The Crank Telephone
Wooden, wall-mounted, gloriously useless. Merl 'answers' it during dinner to feel something.
- 0 bps
- BELL
- NEVER
- ELITE
The Floppy Disk Hoard
A shoebox of 3.5-inch disks labeled 'IMPORTANT' in faded marker. Nobody, including Merl, knows what's on them.
- 63 MB
- 100%
- LIES
- GONE
Sworn allegiances
Cartoon corner
Two cartoons. One remote. A loyalty contract signed in grape soda sometime around 1968 and never renegotiated.
Bugs Bunny
Merl's personal life coach. The official position is that any problem can be solved with a carrot, a disguise, and an unearned amount of confidence.
The Flintstones
The blueprint for Merl's entire aesthetic. He considers Bedrock a viable smart-home setup and has tried to file a foot-powered car as a green commute.
System diagnostics
Merl, by the numbers
400+
64y
0
∞
Open a ticket
Say hello
Found a farm toy he doesn't have? Got a busted machine that smells faintly of 1987? Just want to argue about whether Wile E. Coyote deserved better? The line is open.